we're blogging at a bar
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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