hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
