he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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