i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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