I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
