this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
