he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
