oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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