Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
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