well most of my day revolves around power hour
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
