so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Sorry about my life...
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
