some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
