i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
BRING THE BAGELS
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize
