Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
