Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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