Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
