there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Randomize
