peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
No I am not eating basil off your cock
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
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