He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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