none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
