very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
