You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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