I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
