she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
