yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Mom said you looked used
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
