Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize