I'm going to jail i love you
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
