Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
