dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
