I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize