Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
