the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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