I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
