We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
