idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
