Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
