I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
