OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
