I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
