I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
