She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
