yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
