I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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