What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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