My liver just broke up with me...
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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