Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
