We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
