You really coming over, don't trick.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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