just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
