You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Tornado booty call.. dedication
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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