Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
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