see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
