He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
