True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
