I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
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