A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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