Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
