I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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