you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
