id be glad to
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
