She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
