addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
too bad you live with your parents still
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
