Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
How external is "for external use only"?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
