my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
