You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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