i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
