His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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