you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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