i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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