Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
