Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
