Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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