I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
